depression hurts

oh how it is to not be crippled by depression. 

to not wake up with nothing but your hollow skins and bones. 

to not have a heavy weight crushing your chest. 

to not drag your tired brain through the grey day over and over.

to not find it hard to fill your lungs and move your feet.

to not have the confusion when the randomly odd day comes, filling you with thrill and excitement.  

oh how it is to want to live.

to see bright colours and rainbows.

to look forward to a tomorrow. to have an untwisted gut.

to have tear-free days. to have a healthy brain. to have chemical balance. 

i wouldn’t know.  

depression hurts, and I didn’t know my source of pain was this illness sitting in my skull.

18 years with depression and i never knew. never knew I wasn’t mostly happy with a few bad days, but mostly unhappy with only a few good days. depression has gradually become me and it’s time for a change.

i am not depression. i am under this blanket of illness, outside of the fight and flight mode, and i want to get to know her. so i will begin the dig to find her, and i invite you to join me and find the true you.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: